oh my god. that's all i can say rite now. i was having such a great nite tonite until matt signed on... i got promoted at work (i'll be making $10 an hour now) and my dad filled my car up on gas... then matt signs on... here's our convo online...
Flirty AE Chik: hey babe
Flirty AE Chik: work sucks but i got the promotion. :-) lol
MakeYouWantMore6: very good
Flirty AE Chik: thanks :-)
MakeYouWantMore6: so, i'll never get too see you once school begins.
Flirty AE Chik: no... i can only work 5 days a week at the most
Flirty AE Chik: lol
Flirty AE Chik: mon, wed, fri, sat, sun
Flirty AE Chik: i'm so bored
MakeYouWantMore6: how can you be bored if you just got off work?
Flirty AE Chik: i got off at like 10
MakeYouWantMore6: then what makes you so bored?
Flirty AE Chik: what'd u do tonite?
MakeYouWantMore6: just sat on my butt
Flirty AE Chik: there's nothing to do & i'm not tired.... hmm. i am kinda hungry though... lol
Flirty AE Chik: aww. sounds like fun!
Flirty AE Chik: brb. food
Flirty AE Chik: back
MakeYouWantMore6: im feeling uncomfortable in our relationship
Flirty AE Chik: y didn't u go out?
Flirty AE Chik: ....really?
MakeYouWantMore6: yea, you cant notice it?
Flirty AE Chik: why though?
Flirty AE Chik: that wasn't like a perky really, that was a "i'm really scared that u just said that really"
MakeYouWantMore6: i cant find any other reason as to why i do except for the fact that you so openly state that you love me. and that list was another thing that got me on edge
Flirty AE Chik: why would that make u uncomfortable though? i can deal with the fact that u can't feel the way as i do yet.
MakeYouWantMore6: its because i already know im not going to feel that way
MakeYouWantMore6: i like you theresa, your a really good friend and just as great as a girlfriend but im not going to love you. i know that
Flirty AE Chik: why not?
MakeYouWantMore6: i cant give you an answer as to why, i just know im not going to love you.
Flirty AE Chik: i can't believe this is happening...
MakeYouWantMore6: i can care and like you so easyily but, love? im not so sure about.
MakeYouWantMore6: now im crying
Flirty AE Chik: i know that it's hard to love someone, but can
Flirty AE Chik: 't u still try?
Flirty AE Chik: i've been crying since the "i'm feeling uncomfortable" part
Flirty AE Chik: why would u be crying? i'm the one u can't love
MakeYouWantMore6: thats what ive bee trying to do past 2 months and 11 days. i like you very much, nothing in my mind says i dont. i just cant find the reason why i cant go further with it.
MakeYouWantMore6: im crying cause i know what ive done is crushing you
Flirty AE Chik: when did u start to feel this way?
MakeYouWantMore6: past 2 weeks
Flirty AE Chik: i just don't understand..
Flirty AE Chik: i knew that something was going to go wrong because i told u so soon. the only reason it was this way was because of the fact that we were so close for like 2 years before this did happen
Flirty AE Chik: i am so upset and i don't know what to do...
MakeYouWantMore6: im so sorry i couldnt have screwed up more han i have there=esa and its at your expense.
Flirty AE Chik: i guess i was being incredibly selfish and foolish thinking we would be together forever... that nothing was wrong... and that nothing would ever make me happier
MakeYouWantMore6: sinse you left my house today ive been talking to my mom about, cause she noticed i wasnt the same.
Flirty AE Chik: what did she say?
MakeYouWantMore6: she told me her usual thing, its just highschool, theres others
Flirty AE Chik: i don't want there to be any others... for me there's only you
MakeYouWantMore6: meaning others for you
MakeYouWantMore6: and thats exactly what makes me feel like such a bad person
Flirty AE Chik: u're not a bad person it's not ur fault
Flirty AE Chik: how can u know now that u're not going to love me ever?
MakeYouWantMore6: im truely sorry for steering you the wrong direction theresa, i couldnt possibly know what you feel like right now, but im sorry for bringing it down on you.
MakeYouWantMore6: because i know im not able to make that commitment
Flirty AE Chik: then y get into a relationship to begin with? u thought it over for what, 2 weeks u said?
MakeYouWantMore6: i underestimated you
Flirty AE Chik: but u knew how strong my feelings were for u before we started dating. i told u after everytime we would get together, how much it would crush me that we weren't dating... how could u underestimate that?
MakeYouWantMore6: i just didnt think of it as being that strong, im sorry theresa i cant say thaty enough
Flirty AE Chik: u don't know how badly i that i wished u didn't feel this way.
Flirty AE Chik: i'd easily have 50 thousand of ur children if i knew that it would keep u with me.
MakeYouWantMore6: thats just not reality
Flirty AE Chik: ok ok... 5
MakeYouWantMore6: lol, we still have humor?
Flirty AE Chik: i'm trying to lighten the sitiation to get past the weird part
Flirty AE Chik: situation*
Flirty AE Chik: i have humor in all occasions
MakeYouWantMore6: im actually be a serious person for once.
MakeYouWantMore6: now ya gotta go and screw up my deal, :-)
Flirty AE Chik: see, like rite now, my heart is in 30 million peices but i'm trying to look past that to see the good (if any) in man kind
MakeYouWantMore6: im so sorry theresa, i dont want to hurt you but i always do
Flirty AE Chik: ...it's like a song or something
Flirty AE Chik: "foolish" by ashanti... listen to it sometime.
MakeYouWantMore6: heard it dont like it
Flirty AE Chik: it is my life story with u. and it
Flirty AE Chik: that doesn't matter rite now...
MakeYouWantMore6: didnt let me finish
MakeYouWantMore6: ... because it true
Flirty AE Chik: why did this have to happen to me. the one time i truely care about someone
Flirty AE Chik: god. life sucks.
Flirty AE Chik: wow... my apetite went down the drain after only one spoonful. damn. what a waste
MakeYouWantMore6: usually depression works the other way
Flirty AE Chik: not with me
Flirty AE Chik: i won't eat
Flirty AE Chik: for the next like... 3 days, maybe
MakeYouWantMore6: no, ill make you eat. youre not going to become like me, i dont eat and im wasting away, you will eat.
Flirty AE Chik: u will make me do nothing mr. i feel uncomfortable
Flirty AE Chik: i think i have completely given up on all of man-kind
Flirty AE Chik: i knew something was going to be wrong when i checked ur profile once u signed on...
Flirty AE Chik: hello?
MakeYouWantMore6: im here
Flirty AE Chik: are u not speaking to me anymore?
MakeYouWantMore6: im searchingf to see if im human
Flirty AE Chik: well, have u a dick, a heartbeat, and a brain?
MakeYouWantMore6: i dont think i have a compationate bone in my body
Flirty AE Chik: u were crying... hense u're compationate
MakeYouWantMore6: then why am i so cruel to you
MakeYouWantMore6: i dont understand myself
Flirty AE Chik: i don't know. i don't understand it either...
Flirty AE Chik: god now i'm crying again
MakeYouWantMore6: i have to go
Flirty AE Chik: why?
MakeYouWantMore6: try and possibly sleep, or at least ly down and just star
Flirty AE Chik: ...so this is it?
MakeYouWantMore6: thats it.
Flirty AE Chik: i wish we didn't have to end. enjoy the concert tomorrow
MakeYouWantMore6: i killed us. im not going to enjoy tomorrow at all
Flirty AE Chik: there are always rough patches in relationships, u know
Flirty AE Chik: there's nothing written anywhere that says we have to end... unless you are sure you don't want to be with me.
MakeYouWantMore6: they arte s upposed to heal tho, i cant heal this, i dont heal even, im a slow healer
Flirty AE Chik: well then i'm really sorry
MakeYouWantMore6: im going to say yes this is it because i dont want to have even the slightest chance of doing this to you again
MakeYouWantMore6: im so very sorry ive gone and hurt you again
Flirty AE Chik: goodbye matt
MakeYouWantMore6: good night
MakeYouWantMore6 signed off at 11:34:46 PM.
why does he always have to hurt me? he knows he does it, too. he doesn't know why either. god. i've given up. on ever having a steady relationship ever again. i wish kevin was online... i need to talk to him. he's my bestfriend that lives in california. maybe i'll call him....
i hate guys